A Deep Breath (#24)

This painting by Giovanni Segantini sums up
my past nights, especially as I am about to fall asleep
and a thought pops into my head.

Just now, I set my monitor's brightness to max. My eyes were straining to read the text. Another sign that I am getting older. Also, I have not slept well in over a week, perhaps two. Either I struggle to fall asleep, or wake up throughout the night. My mind gets crowded with the same anxieties, and my body cannot find a position it likes. In addition, my garden only contains three pole beans and a dozen tomato plants. The former grew from last year's fallen pods left on the ground. The latter are four-week-old transplants that a rabbit is using for midnight snacking. There will probably be no cucumbers this year, which means no pickles. Very disappointing. Finally, procrastination continues to undermine my blogging. I almost skipped tonight's post. It was not until 6:45 pm when I began writing. And it took me thirty minutes of just sitting at the computer to begin typing my thoughts.

Fifteen minutes later, and what do I have? A lot of whining from a middle-aged man, and no plan for how to continue.

Yet, my life is good. If a lack of homemade pickles, or a long blogging hiatus, is the worst that happens to me this summer, I am fortunate. And while the poor sleeping pattern is worrisome, I am trying out different ways to improve my nights. Finally, reducing daily screen time will help with my eyesight. 

That just leaves my over-analytical mind and procrastination. They have been a part of me for too long.  Unfortunately, they reinforce each other. So, it becomes a feedback loop. I know what I need to do. Write my thoughts down every day! I am just not there, yet. In the meantime, I have this blog post.

That counts for something.

(Sorry, I rushed the ending.)