Sigh. Once more, procrastination and lack of confidence strike again. What I want to say, I am unable to dredge up from my mind's depths. Instead, I am going to fall back on an old stand by of this blog. Well, not quite old, because it was the subject of last week's post. But definitely a regular topic, because this is now the twelfth iteration.
But to keep this habit alive, I must inject something, anything, into this blog. So here goes.
(Art by Albert Edelfelt. Not sure I came by this man's work. The first painting below caught my attention--click here or on the image to see more of his work. The Second one came from further searching through his work--I think she's smirking. I enjoyed sifting through a lot of his other works.)
Two nights in a row, I had vivid dreams in which I was driving a car. The first involved a passenger; in the second, I was alone.
The first opened up with my eldest daughter and I traveling down a deserted block in the early morning hours. We had a destination in mind, a restaurant or store, I cannot remember, but we knew it was somewhere nearby. We passed a post office nestled within taller building, and I realized that what we sought was hidden behind there. But I driven past the entrance, so I began looking for a left turn in order to circle the block. As turned down a side street, it become clearer that this block contained our destination, however, it become obvious that it was hidden deep within the buildings that rose up within our sights. Desperate to find an alley or entrance leading into the heart of this labyrinth, I grew anxious, and I slowed down the car. Yet, that made things worse, for I have a pet peeve about being behind people who are lost and suddenly slow down without warning. So my anxiety increased, worried that people were lining up behind me, annoyed that I was in the way.
The dream began transitioning, but not before the twisted path to the store became clear in my mind: the way was clear, like a POV video, but I could not use my car to reach it.
What came next, started in the same way: my eldest daughter and I riding along a rode in my car. This time the road felt familiar, like a memory of a pleasant childhood drive with sunshine and greenery streaming through the windows. Indeed, I told my passenger that this the very avenue I frequently drove along when I was her age. It was a good nostalgia. But it would not last. The further along we went, the more cars appeared around us. And what began as a leisurely pace, turned into the typical race of a busy highway. With the passing of miles, we accelerated further. That is when we missed our turn. I panicked. Upcoming offramps sped on by, and our destination (home?) grew more distant. In a last ditch effort, I swerved across several lanes, and took an exit I thought would set us on the correct path. However, while it felt familiar, it also felt wrong. Using it would involve many twists and turns, and require going a bit out of the way before heading in the right direction.
So, desperate, I pulled out my phone to use as a GPS device. However, since I was driving, I handed it off to my daughter, and began to explain how to use it. Well, either she was reluctant to assist me, or I felt like she was unable to figure it out--I am not sure which feeling motivated me--I took my phone back. Instead, I looked for a place to pull over, and check it myself. That is when I discovered a strip mall. It was abandoned, but not forgotten. The facades of each building were under construction. I was sure I had been there in my past. The emptiness made me sad, yet, the sight of all the scaffolding and bright brick veneers gave me hope. It made me think the past was coming back to life.
Leaving my daughter in the car, I walked around. That is when I discovered two young ladies standing about. They greeted me, and I smiled. For a moment I considered talking with them. However, something felt wrong. Urgency interrupted, and the memory of my original mission flooded my mind. I had to be somewhere, and this was not the place. Okay, I admit, I hesitated once more, before finally walking away briskly to my car. As I closed the door, adamant about getting back on track, the dream ended.
The next night, again found me driving along in my minivan. However, there were two major differences. First, I was alone heading home from a vacation. Second, I was controlling the car, while sitting in the passenger side behind the driver's seat. The headrest obstructed my vision, and the dark night did not help. Turning my head made everything blurry, and any attempt to look around the headrest proved a difficult. Panic took over, and I found myself swerving across lanes. The number and speed of cars riding around me increased with each passing second. Knowing I could not just stop in the middle of the highway, I attempted to find the shoulder. But always, a car was in my way. Although I could never clearly see them, I knew they were there, racing by me. Shear luck kept me from striking anything. Finally, I sighted an exit, and willed the car towards it.
That is when I found myself hurtling down a dark road. For the moment, there were no other cars. Yet, I knew I had to stop. Still, I could not see clearly what was ahead of me. Finally, I slowed the car down. Unfortunately, despite dropping below five mph, I was unable to stop completely before tapping the bumper of a car parked beside a Domino's Pizza place. In fact it was a Volkswagen Beetle, and there were two identical ones, side by side. I knocked into the one on the right. As my car bounced slightly back from the impact, I saw two things: the delivery signs atop both cars, and a minor dent in the car I hit.
Glad to have finally stopped, but realizing I was still in the middle of the road, I pulled back into a parking spot. That is when I discovered two cops sitting on a bench, to the left of my car. Feeling a strong need to be honest, I rolled down my window, and began to explain myself. However, they seemed disinterested in my accident, and the fact that I was driving from the passenger seat. They were talking about something person. Within the dream, the fingernails of the younger cop caught my attention: they were long, and paper thin. The urge to cut them rose inside of me. But I told myself that I should not upset these cops. The only noticeably characteristic of the second cop was the scarf around his neck, and several blemishes on his face.
Reality finally drew my attention away from the cops. Realizing that I should be in the driver seat, I began to climb over the center console. It proved a difficult feat, requiring acrobatic movement. The whole time, I was conscious of the cops, and aware that my movement might draw suspicion. Paranoia arose within me, as I remembered police officers do not like sudden movement, and prefer drivers remain still, hands on the steering wheel. And here I was, a contortionist trying to make my way to where I was supposed to be!
Sigh. To make matters worse, when I finally got situated behind the steering wheel of the car, a strange thought consumed me. I felt the need to reposition the car. Despite my rational side screaming that the cops DEFINITELY will not appreciate that move, I took the car out of park, and began moving it. Up an alley. That sloped uphill. And ended in a cul de sac. At least it would easier to turn around, right? Well, the uphill part made it tricky. Somehow it kept me from turning the car around. So, when I reached the end of the alley, I decided the best thing to do was allow the car to roll back down, until I reached my previous parking spot, using the brakes to stop me.
But the brakes were not working correctly, and I continued to roll down the hill, backwards, towards the two cops, who were just sitting there talking to each each other. Desperate, I slammed on the brakes. It helped, a little. The car slowed down, but unable to see behind me, I found myself jumping the curb. Finally, the car came to a complete stop.
How close did I end up to those distracted police officers? I do not know. For when I was no longer moving, and attempted to look about me to determine my location, everything faded.
I had suddenly awoken from my dream.
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