Confessions (#17)

When I realized this post was a confession of sorts, I went looking for the last one. It was a deep dive that took me all the way back to October 17, 2021. I read the post. Three things shocked me. 

First, the number. Sixteen confessions? Wow, I do reveal a lot.  

Second, the date. Eight months? Boy, can I be inconsistent.

Finally, the content. Procrastination? Missed writing opportunities? Apparently I have not changed much.

Just like I explained in that last confession, I approached this post intending to write something specific, on a topic I chose a week ago. However, life and my habits got in the way. And just like last time, I draw the same conclusion: sitting down and typing all this out is still better than skipping another week.

Or giving up entirely.  

 

(It has been a month since I have shared artwork. Found this a week ago while researching a different topic. Can't remember the original topic, but I noticed her face among the list of images that came up. Besides that look on her face, there is something about a woman in a hat. The artist is Emile Friant. I found a few of his other works interesting and beautiful.)

I did nothing today. Okay, I managed to empty the dishwasher, start a pot of coffee, and eventually make dinner. We had no dishes; my wife needs her caffeine; ordering-in was not option. So, these chores were necessary in order for this house to function.

That is why I finished them.

Otherwise, I wasted most of the day un-showered, sitting in my workout clothes: a gray t-shirt, mesh shorts, and my black running shoes. Yes, I woke up today thinking I was going to exercise. I even bothered to set a deadline. Twice. Yet, both moments passed me by.

[Wait, it just occurred to me that I also cleared out the shed a bit, and removed some items from the garage to their proper places. However, that took me less than five minutes, and I only did it to avoid working out.] 

[Oh, I eventually took a shower. Right before dinner.] 

There was a to-do list. In fact, there is always a list. Because I constantly add to it, as do other people. Today's agenda included planting the Brussels sprout seedlings into the ground. Cleaning the kitchen. Vacuuming and mopping the floors. And making a trip to Lowe's. Oh, and making plans for the upcoming week. Yes, I had intended to make "adding more items to the list" part of my goals for today.

Exercising was on it. Clearing out the shed was not. 

That sums up today.

[Wow, I have not journaled yet. That is a goal I try to accomplish first thing in the morning.]

Deep, solid sleep has eluded me for over a week. Maybe more. Even when I go to bed early with a clear head, I find myself waking up a half dozen times, but falling right back to sleep. Yet, each morning, I manage to wake up and get up before my first alarm. I complete my morning chores. This past week I even exercised regularly. So, despite my lackluster sleeping experience, I have been productive.

Today, however, was an exception. Not the sleep, that was still off. In fact, I had a lot of short, vivid dream sequences that kept waking me up. Just my state of mind throughout the day. A fog of sorts. My daily internet browsing was aimless and unfulfilling. Even my daydreaming was dull and bland.

The nap I took after lunch accomplished nothing. Indeed, I felt even more sluggish.

Finally, I had to leave the house for the first time today. My daughter needed a ride home, so I had no choice. Having just taken a shower, I ended up lounging in a recliner, staring at my phone, reading some article. Then I got a message. I had to pick my daughter in ten minutes. Five minutes later, I was out the door, in my car, heading down the road. 

That simple action started a chain reaction. When I returned home, it was time to start dinner. But I needed to clear out the sink (I like to have an empty sink and cleared counters when I prepare meals).  Then I prepped the sirloins and the shrimp, started putting together the salad, and fired up the grill. Within forty minutes, dinner was served.

Like the Grinch listening to the citizens of Whoville, finding his heart growing bigger, I discovered something inside myself after leaving the kitchen. I wanted to accomplish something tonight that would make things easier tomorrow, and the rest of the week.

I desired to draft my blog post, the night before it was due.

Sigh. Despite dragging the laptop and its power cord up the stairs to my bedroom (my wife and daughter were watching Iron Man 3 in the family room), sitting down in my recliner with computer opened up and running, and the door closed, avoiding any interruptions, I did not start blogging. I decided to go on Facebook (for the record, my relationship to Facebook was the topic I wanted to write about tonight). When I was done, I realized I had to feed the cat. That took me downstairs to the kitchen, where I noticed the mess. So, I cleaned the dishes, put away the food, and headed back upstairs. Then the cat reminded me of the my original task. Back down I trekked, and finally returned with a fresh bowl of food for her.

Now, I was ready to start. And much to my surprise both then and now, I followed through. 

Like that last confession, this is not what I wanted to write about.

However, while one of my writing goals is to expand the content of this blog, another one is to start drafting my prose well in advance. Although, I would prefer a week before my Sunday deadline, twenty-four hours ahead of schedule is a good start.

Perhaps I will have that blog post about Facebook ready for next Sunday...