Confessions (#6)

“Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

    ~ Rick Blaine to Captain Louis Renault at the end of Casablanca

My 85th blog post. Where I try something short and clever in order to begin a new chapter of this blog, and my life. By the end of the week, I should know if it worked.

(Jacob Toorenvliet's Allegory of Painting. I am also fond of his Four Musicians.)

Sigh. I have a problem. I do not like shopping at stores. Well, except for grocery shopping. I rarely have a problem buying food, especially at a familiar location. But then the pandemic hit. Even supermarkets became a struggle. Since the lockdown, several of my dreams involved me standing around a checkout line, maskless and confused. Most of them ended with my waking up, anxious and uncomfortable. Except for that one time my friend drove us into the store, parked her car right up next to the checkout lines, and began shopping, like it was no big deal. I mean that literally: she somehow managed to get her car inside the store, pull up next to the cashiers, and walk the aisles, picking up everything I needed, smiling the whole time.

metaphor: 1) a figure of speech in which a term or phrase is applied to something to which it is not literally applicable in order to suggest a resemblance; 2) something used, or regarded as being used, to represent something else.

But all other kinds of physical shopping, even before the pandemic, cause me anxiety. The bigger the place, the more reluctant I am to enter. Unless I know exactly what I want and its location in the store. For the most part, I can handle that experience. Otherwise, I try to put it off. That is why I have been wearing the same style of jeans for over a decade, maybe longer: I am too comfortable with this particular make. Anything other than Levi-Strauss 560 Relaxed Fit Stonewashed Jeans will not work. Trust me, I have tried. Well, sort of...

metaphor: A metaphor is a figure of speech that describes an object or action in a way that isn’t literally true, but helps explain an idea or make a comparison.

The reality is that I have only tried a few other kinds of jeans before settling down on my predetermined selection. Those few samples have always ended up too loose around the ankles, too tight around the thighs, and just plain off around the rear. And the frustration has always led me to generalize that all other jeans can never measure up. But, like, I said, I only ever gave a handful the chance to prove themselves. My desire to get out of the store overcame any need to find another pair. 

A metaphor is a figure of speech that, for rhetorical effect, directly refers to one thing by mentioning another. It may provide (or obscure) clarity or identify hidden similarities between two ideas. Metaphors are often compared with other types of figurative language, such as antithesis, hyperbole, metonymy and simile.

That was until this past year. Something changed. Actually, several things changed. First, my style has been discontinued (or at least put on hold). Second, my body has changed (both size and shape). Third, my understanding and appreciation for fashion has evolved (apparently baggy was never a good look, especially for adults). Finally, I took a long, hard look in the mirror at the jeans I have been wearing for years now, and realized that they are way past their prime (it is time to move on).

A metaphor is a figure of speech that, for rhetorical effect, directly refers to one thing by mentioning another. It may provide (or obscure) clarity or identify hidden similarities between two ideas. Metaphors are often compared with other types of figurative language, such as antithesis, hyperbole, metonymy and simile.

The epiphany came just before the pandemic--I knew I needed to buy new jeans. However, I hesitated. That blue denim was so comfortable. So stable (except for the rip in the pocket, and slight mud stains near the leg cuffs, and the worn out areas near the knees and crotch). But time spent in deep self reflection at the beginning of the lockdown, and a period of filming for hours before a wall covered in mirrors this past month, made me realize something. Good God, I have to get rid of these things. I need a change. A new direction.

The purpose of using a metaphor is to take an identity or concept that we understand clearly (second subject) and use it to better understand the lesser known element (the first subject).

And here I am, after weeks of intense work and effort, followed by two days of feverish productivity, and ending in a watershed of supportive words, kind gifts, deep sleeps, interesting texts, relaxing moments, and a box full of sweets. Now I am ready to focus on what is important. What I need to do to improve myself. The steps I have to follow in order to achieve my goal.

But metaphors go beyond just comprehension and demonstration—they actually change the way we think of a concept on an unconscious level.

I have to overcome my old habit of avoiding certain kinds of experiences, experiment with new versions of familiar ideas, embrace failure and rejection as part of the process, seek  positive and constructive feedback, and find myself several pairs new jeans.