My Four Callings (Part 1)

“And there's a million things I haven't done.

But just you wait, just you wait...”

~ “Alexander Hamilton”, Hamilton

For me, a calling is an intense belief that God requires me to embrace a vocation in order to make the world a better place. At one time or another, I have felt one of four callings: to become a healer, a soldier, a priest, and a teacher. Some times they have appeared strong and forceful, revealing an obvious path. Other times they have been subtle, even nested in other callings. Or, they have been all together hidden, emerging after years of contemplation. As I have grown older, I have begun to realize that each one of the original four can take on many forms.

Finally, as I enter the second half of my life, it has been made clear to me, I need to combine all four into a single path.

A Call to Heal People 

I have always felt a desire to help people, either through words or actions. For a short time, as a child, becoming a doctor was a dream. In the end, however, medicine never became a passion of mine. But, if I was not to assist people by healing the body, what about the mind? More specifically, a person’s emotions? Well, whether it was family, friends, or strangers, I have always felt the need to see people overcome emotional pain and enjoy happiness.  

So where does that desire to heal a person’s psyche come from?

If you have been reading my blog, you would have known that I spent a good part of my life struggling with relationships. In addition, you would have learned of my social anxieties and how they led to a fear of humiliation. Finally, you would have discovered my need to build better habits, and the search for inspiration to achieve that goal. But, I also hope that it has been made clear, through my past blog posts, that I have developed healthier relationships, by transcending my failures and mistakes through better habits. More importantly, that I am a happy person, and I want to share that joy with others. These personal experiences, both positive and negative, have definitely motivated me to help others to heal.  

In addition, I do not like to watch people suffer. Seeing another human being cry, or wince in pain, even when they may deserve it, invokes empathy in me. It draws me into that person’s life story. Instead of ignoring or walking away from it, I want to engage it in order to understand their plight, and lift them up. In the past, this has led me to become intrusive and overbearing, or even demanding. I would ask intimate and personal questions, and expect answers. (After all, I am only trying to help--even though the person never asked for it.) As I have matured, I have learned to be more careful when approaching people about their pain. And to be patient, even with people whom I care about deeply. I provide them opportunities to share, when they are ready. And respect them if they refuse my support.  Finally, I have come to accept that I may not be the one who is capable of assisting some people, even my friends, in their time of need. Learning to empathize more effectively has inspired me to do a better job in helping others to heal.

There is also my insatiable inquisitiveness and analytical mind. I must know why people say the things they say, and behave the way they do. Was that joke an insult, or a way to make me laugh? When she said she was okay, did she want me to dig deeper, or go away? Why do people get upset when other people do not agree with them? How can we be more honest when communicating to other people? How can we be more honest with ourselves? How do we filter the information we receive? While it may not always be obvious, especially whenever I get into arguments, or when I appear distant and detached, I am always listening to and analyzing the people around me, and myself. Following a conversation, whether one sided or a heated exchange, with family, friends, or strangers, I begin to process what was said and how it was shared. Both immediately, and months later. I will even apply newfound knowledge and wisdom to discussions held years ago, and draw new conclusions. Wondering how the other person heard my words or interpreted my behavior, allows me to improve my speaking skills. Carefully listening to their stories, apprehensions, and concerns strengthens my ability to communicate. This innate need to understand people and myself has reinforced my desire to help people heal.

Finally, teaching children brought me the closest to being a therapist. Listening to them speak about themselves, asking them to reveal their intentions, watching them give up after making mistakes, provided multiple opportunities to discover how humans behave. And the excitement from watching them make good decisions, and grow as a person made me want to help even more. But it was an informal, limited form of therapy. Since I left teaching, the desire to heal others emotionally, especially young people, has only intensified. Over the past five years, I have listened to other parents discuss their child’s struggles at home and difficulties in school. I have watched children and adults drowning under the weight of their failures and mistakes. I have read countless articles discussing the increased levels of anxiety and in our society. The pain and uncertainty that parents, their children, and our community as whole are facing, troubles me greatly, and I want to heal them.

A calling is an intense belief that God wants me to act in a certain way. In order to believe in something, I need evidence. Without a doubt, I believe that it is clear God wants me to better the world by helping people heal their minds. 

Now I just have to figure out how to go about doing it within the limited time I have left.  

Next: My Four Callings (Part 2)...>>>