On Dreaming (#5)

Two weeks ago, after sharing the details of an intense dream, there was a promise of an election day post. It never materialized. I failed to follow through. A surreal election process that is still unfolding, a negative personal experience, and a series of looming deadlines, have left me stumbling about an intellectual stupor. In addition, I have not replaced my habit of procrastinating, nor overcome my fear of speaking out. Hence my fourteen days of silence.  

But one of my five regular readers reached out to me this past week, concerned with my disappearance. Also, a good friend reminded me of the things I find important in life. Finally, two nights ago, two separate dreams blindsided me, shaking me to my core. 

Whatever malaise had engulfed me these past two week, has lifted. Focused, I turn my attention to blogging.

Here is tonight's post. 

(If you click on the image, you should be taken to the original, which will allow you to zoom in on it. And if you do that, you may understand why I have chosen it. Look carefully enough, and you will see the strain in her eyes, the sweat on her forehead, and several strands of wet hair clinging to her face. Beauty struggling to create. Maybe even a bit of frustration. At least that is what I see.)

Saturday morning, around 3 am, I awoke, with a strange sensation fading from my calf, and the remnants of an intense dream still lingering in my mind. Before returning to bed, I wrote down some of its details. Two hours later, my eyes suddenly opened wide, I was jolted from slumber by another incredible dream. The last image, that of my former coworker crushed by my words, crying in my arms, hung heavy as I transpired that dream into my notes. 

Together, these two dreams shook me into action, and I spent nearly an hour processing them in mind before committing them to my journal.

The latter of the two dreams, I will not share right now. It is too raw: I am still struggling with the meaning of certain scenes. 

As for the former one, I have nor problem discussing it. The ending, especially, ties into the dreams I have shared here, and one of the overall themes running through my blog. But the other parts of it were just as illuminating, and even a bit comical. Well, in my mind at least.

It began with me standing in Lowes, the hardware store. My gas mower was giving my problems, so I was in search of a solution. The battery powered ones caught my attention. While waiting for someone to help me, a contractor appeared, tall and lanky, carrying a pile of shelving in his arms. But he was having trouble balancing those pieces, and finding his assistant. Finally, he tried to get the attention of a salesperson. At that moment, a short, stocky employee, standing behind the paint counter, and hugging a coworker, ignored the contractor's plight. The sight gave me mixed feelings: I was glad the two people were showing affection, but mad that they were not helping the contractor. The latter turned away, muttering how he wanted the shelving to be cut. That is when I tried to call after him and tell him that the store no longer provided that kind of service. However, a manager arrived, interrupting my effort. I watched as the manager looked over at the hugging employees, and asked how many mowers they had sold. The employees had only sold one. The manager seemed more upset by their answer than the hugging. Then I found myself distracted by a sales sign for rechargeable batteries, and I made up my mind to buy the battery powered mower. However, the contractor's assistant showed up suddenly, and I decided I did not want to buy anything anymore. So, I headed to the front of the store.

Empty handed, I made my way past the check out lines for the exit. But then a woman came up to me, child in tow. She proceeded to tell me she would not be able to make tonight's event--even in the dream, I did not know what she was talking about. She had other plans. And with that said, her child began to cough. The woman insisted it was not COVID. I had not asked her. That is when I turned away from her and moved quickly to the exit. Unfortunately, it was crowded, and several people were coughing. I moved faster.

Finally, outside, I turned left, and found myself walking through a short tunnel towards the parking garage. Walking in a straight line in front of me was a man--whom I have seen before in real life--followed by his triplet sons (about 4 years old), all dressed in the same dress pants and sweaters. I thought how cute they looked, like duckling following their parent. A strong desire to tell the man what I was thinking arose in me, but I lost it when I heard one of the boys crying. Then the thought of comforting him occupied my mind. But we turned the corner, and the mood changed.

I now found myself sitting on a pebbled ground, between the store and the parking garage, looking down at my leg. Things were moving beneath the skin. What looked like tails were sticking out. And I began pulling at them. With a tug, out plopped a fish, about 6-8 inches long. They looked like little koi, and I thought they were kind of beautiful. But another fin appeared, and I yanked on it, pulling out another fish. And the process continued. While neither gross nor painful, there was some physical discomfort that I felt through the dream. By the fourth one, I thought I was done, but sure enough, there was one more, bigger and more active than the others--yes, they were alive, wiggling under my skin and in my hands. When I pulled that last one out, I felt a wave of relief. Until I looked down at my leg. The task of removing those things had left a flap of skin on my like, much like a freshly shed snake skin. And underneath it was a clean, intact layer of skin. In a way, the new layer seemed more pristine, though slightly raw. The ordeal had not grossed me out in the least. In fact, I felt at ease.

With only a slight feeling of soreness, I awoke.

And with the details of that dream tucked away in my phone's notetaking app, its meaning playing around in my consciousness, my mind was now open enough for the second, more intense and insightful dream.