Confessions (#6)

“Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

    ~ Rick Blaine to Captain Louis Renault at the end of Casablanca

My 85th blog post. Where I try something short and clever in order to begin a new chapter of this blog, and my life. By the end of the week, I should know if it worked.

(Jacob Toorenvliet's Allegory of Painting. I am also fond of his Four Musicians.)

Confessions (#5)

I was going to write a rather negative post. Not the kind filled with hostile tirades, and offensive rants. But the kind filled with doubts, regrets, and self-loathing. After thirty minutes of writing and editing, I realized this is not what I want to post tonight, five evenings from Christmas morning. Nor are those the emotions I want to carry forward this week. My wife and children deserve better, as do my friends. And the five of you following my blog. 

 

     

Confessions (#4)

As I mentioned in last week's post, I am careening towards an important deadline. But now it  is only a week away. This past week, I have been moving along at a good pace. Then, tonight, I hit a roadblock. But I have decided, just now, I am not going to let it get me down. It is not going to interfere with my personal goals. I plan on writing a blog post tonight, and getting to bed at a decent hour. Then, waking up bright and early tomorrow, work on my to-do list for the project (but not before exercising and doing the morning chores). After that is done, I will be spending the rest of the day focused on my own goals.

Confessions (#3)

Tomorrow begins a two-week countdown to an important deadline. The journey is going to take me through some unchartered territory. And the difficulty is that this is the time of year I would rather focus on other things. I outlined this struggle in last week's post. But I am taking this time to blog, despite two days of exhausting work, and a strong desire to shut down and tune out, because right now, this habit of maintaining my blog is important to me. 

So, here I am, on a Sunday night, typing away, placing on the internet another piece of a puzzle that is my life. Apologies for picking up one of the smaller pieces...

(Once again I find myself turning to Edward Hopper. This one fits my post so well, but you will have to read to the end to find out how.)

  

Confessions (#2)

On the eve of another intense week (that will most likely spill into two), and after spending three days sitting around, unproductive, in a creative malaise, I feel the need to confess the following. Maybe it will inspire me to make some changes. Or purge my system of some self doubts. At the very least, it will satisfy my goal of blogging weekly. And right now, this blog is my only hold on the person I wish to be. 

(Muses, a very interesting and beautiful photograph series by Christy Lee Rogers.)

Confessions (#1)

Smart people are always wrong, until they finally discover that they are right.

Everyone else walks through life believing they are right,

Unless they become smart, 

and learn that they are always wrong. 

The following was inspired by yet another political Facebook post that took me three minutes to debunk, because it sounded too absurd, but somehow was so certainly true to another person, that they failed to question it before sharing it.

(The first image is by Ramon Casas, which I chose as a more tongue-in-cheek representation of this post. Though, I still think it is beautiful, and very relevant for other reasons. The second image is Ferdinand Georg Waldmüller, and is a more serious take on my current feelings, particularly the figure in the foreground. But, notice the bright light resting on the child. There is hope.)

On Dreaming (#5)

Two weeks ago, after sharing the details of an intense dream, there was a promise of an election day post. It never materialized. I failed to follow through. A surreal election process that is still unfolding, a negative personal experience, and a series of looming deadlines, have left me stumbling about an intellectual stupor. In addition, I have not replaced my habit of procrastinating, nor overcome my fear of speaking out. Hence my fourteen days of silence.  

But one of my five regular readers reached out to me this past week, concerned with my disappearance. Also, a good friend reminded me of the things I find important in life. Finally, two nights ago, two separate dreams blindsided me, shaking me to my core. 

Whatever malaise had engulfed me these past two week, has lifted. Focused, I turn my attention to blogging.

Here is tonight's post. 

(If you click on the image, you should be taken to the original, which will allow you to zoom in on it. And if you do that, you may understand why I have chosen it. Look carefully enough, and you will see the strain in her eyes, the sweat on her forehead, and several strands of wet hair clinging to her face. Beauty struggling to create. Maybe even a bit of frustration. At least that is what I see.)

On Dreaming (#4)

Motivated by what follows, I aim to have another post up before the evening of Tuesday, November 3, which is Election Day here in the US. But, as is always with my endeavors, we shall see...

(There is something about the attitude of everyone in this painting. it is a beautiful painting--I love their body language and facial expressions.)

 

On Dreaming (#3)

Warning! Remember, once you read this, it cannot be unread. The dream I am about to share will require you to look past the characters, which really are just temporary placeholders, and the minor details, which are more universal than most people are willing to admit. Instead, focus on the deeper revelation about me, because it is critical to understanding an emotional challenge that I have been facing for so long. One that I would finally like to overcome.

Because, in the end, that is why I had this dream: to draw focus on a longstanding shortcoming of mine.

And I am hoping that sharing this dream might inspire courage in me to change.

(Though, I am sure some of you might end up simply being amused--or disturbed--by all of it. That is the price of "exposing" oneself, I guess.) 

(I spent more time searching for an image than writing this post--I deemed my first choice not ready for prime time. However, I finally settled on these two by William Orpen. There is something interesting and beautiful about both. Slightly haunting, and intriguing. I don't know exactly. But I am glad I found them. Both women appear to have a story to tell, too--when they are ready.)

A Brief Interlude (#13)

For those who were wondering, the middle of last week turned into a hot mess; therefore, I failed to make time for my Wednesday post. By Thursday afternoon, events occurred that inspired me to collect the pieces, and rearrange them into something better. Embracing the waves of relief, levity, and serenity, brought on by positive self-reflection and several conversations, I made the decision to pass on my regular Thursday weekly checkup. Not surprisingly, on the eve of a busy weekend, following several days of physical struggles and emotional stress, Friday became my new sabbath. I took time to recover: I ate my way to contentment and equilibrium.

Alas, when it rains, it pours. On Saturday afternoon, while two close friends and I were discussing the consequences Covid-19 has had on our lives, news came that would require us to rush out and have our children quarantined and tested. I am not concerned for our children’s health; indeed, I suspect they will all come up negative. However, just being placed in quarantine, and handed so much uncertainty, has thrown planning for the next two weeks beyond clarity and understanding.

But in moments like this, you learn things about yourself. And, while a resolution to a current crisis may not be laid out in front of you, you realize that “just okay” is not a bad position to be in.

For the moment...

(The artist is Elizabeth Sparhawk-Jones, and this work, The Dreamers, is a later painting. I found two articles about her: The Girl Behind the Counter: Elizabeth Sparhawk-Jones, and Elizabeth Sparhawk-Jones: An Overlooked Phenomenon. I have not read them, though I plan on it at some point. There were a few other of her paintings that I  found intriguing.)

Meandering Thoughts (#2)

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,   

But I have promises to keep,   

And miles to go before I sleep,   

And miles to go before I sleep.

    ~ Robert Frost, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

My Weekly Checkup (#25)

It has been another busy week, but this time around, I have been productive, too. Not as much as I would like, but then, maybe I need to curb my expectations in that department. Maybe. Meanwhile, here is something I want to share with you. It will not be for everyone reading this blog. Heck, I will be surprised if anyone reading this blog (all five of you) gets past the description I provide, let alone the first five minutes of the actual video. But should you decide to spend an hour of your life "experiencing" the video, what a trip!

At least scroll down and read my review of it: I reveal a small secret about myself.

Enjoy!

(Something beautiful and pleasant, in contrast to what is in the video shared below. Also, I just discovered Konstantin Somov tonight. Some interesting pieces. Click on the painting to discover more of his work.)

   

Meandering Thoughts (#1)

"No more words, 
No more words, it's a time that is dead
There are words
That are better unheard, better unsaid"
    ~ Valjean, "In My Life" from Les Miserables (the musical)

"You can't handle the truth!"

    ~ Colonel Jessup, A Few Good Men (the movie)

(I was looking for an image that conveyed solitude, and ended discovering and falling in love with these three. Okay, so the third one does not scream solitude, but there is this pleasantry and beauty to it that inspired me to include it.)

On Dreaming (#2)

For the past few months, I have been struggling with something. Well, quite a few things, but this something is the one that has been on my mind frequently. Mostly because it is connected with old habits I am looking to abandon, new habits I want to develop, and projects I want to complete. Last night I had a dream about it. And, because I did not budget enough time to write a long, thorough post about an important topic, I decided to share this short, but relevant dream.

My Weekly Checkup (#24)

A Collection of Some Things I Found, Some Thoughts I Had This Week

Strange week, which deserves some strange links. And that's what makes this moment all the more stranger: I have nothing strange to share. However, there is something I've been meaning to share, a podcast I try and listen to every weekday. But there is nothing strange, or even slightly unusual about it. Except the host. He sounds like he is having way too much fun, even when he talks about some really depressing stuff.

(I must confess, when I saw the thumbnail for this painting, I thought the person in the middle, digging, was a man, and I became immediately jealous of him, "Working hard in your garden while being watched by beautiful women. Awesome!" So, I explored this painting and its creator. Yes, I was slightly disappointed in discovering that all four people are women, but the painting is still interesting to me. But, I was very grateful for the opportunity to discover John French Sloan. There are about a dozen of his paintings I find beautiful, engaging, subdued, contemplative, and intriguing.)

On Dreaming (#1)

"Eames : They come here every day to sleep?

Elderly Bald Man : [towards Cobb]  No. They come to be woken up. 

The dream has become their reality. Who are you to say otherwise, son?"

From the movie, Inception

Last night I had a dream. It was intense enough to wake me from slumber. Haunting enough to leave me there, on the bed, exposed for some time. And beautiful enough to have me commit to memory what had transpired.

A Brief Interlude (#11)

I began this past week being busy, and showing little for it--two consecutive days of repetitive, tedious, unchallenging work, mostly from someone else's list. Then I continued to be busy, but this time also productive--two consecutive days of reflective, creative, rewarding tasks, and from my list.  Finally, I ended the week working nonstop--a busy weekend with mixed results. Thanks to good conversations with good people, I survived.. 

But, tonight, I am exhausted. So, I apologize ahead of time for this post. It came to me this afternoon while getting things done at my daughters' dance studio. However, it is short and to the point, but not exactly what I had hoped to say.  

Well, maybe not to the point, because I have not written it out yet. So, it may fall short in another way.

But it will be short, because I have to go to bed by a certain time. Sleep is important to me, because I wish to dream; therefore, I refuse to allow anyone, or thing, including fear, to rob me of such opportunities. 

 

Good luck! 

(That last line was partially meant for me...)

My Weekly Checkup (#23)

A Collection of Some Things I Found, Some Thoughts I Had This Week

Usually I write these Weekly Checkups in the evenings, but I have so many stretches of busy moments with little downtime in between, that will begin in a few hours and run until ten tonight; therefore, I have decided to start on this post right now (1:15  pm EST).  

(And in my enthusiasm to get this done sooner rather than later, I accidently saved over last week's post... losing it forever. Sigh.)

(Haha... never mind, it is still there.)  

Mary Cassatt's Breakfast in Bed. I cannot read that mother's face. I have a few ideas, but the moment I focus on one thought, the others become jealous, and seek my attention. If "exhaustion" wins out, it is only because that is how I feel right now (did a lot of landscaping today).

Vegetable Gardening and Me (#20)

They aren't magical, but my beans seem to be full of surprises. This week is no exception.

As I mentioned in my first post on gardening, I am not an expert gardener, and I have made plenty of mistakes, but my adventures may help others have more fun and success. 

Also, I now have a page dedicated to gardening, that will contain all past and future posts, as well as resources I have found useful.

A Brief Interlude (#11)

Four adults. A broken dryer. And a discussion about politics that did not end in disaster. All on a cool, clear September evening outside a dance studio in an American suburb.

(I was searching for a particular image--one I had found a week ago--involving revolutionaries discussing politics in a tavern setting, when I came across this image. It's definitely apropos of something, just what I don't know...)

My Weekly Checkup (#22)

A Collection of Some Things I Found, Some Thoughts I Had This Week

A site suggestion, and a particular video from their YouTube channel, that I found interesting and informative.

(Found this painting while searching through the work of women painters.)

Vegetable Gardening and Me (#19)

It's been about two weeks since my last gardening post, and only a few pepper plants remain. Oh, and those bean plants, too--I haven't decided what to do with them, yet. But as for the rest of the garden, I have begun to prepare things for the winter.

As I mentioned in my first post on gardening, I am not an expert gardener, and I have made plenty of mistakes, but my adventures may help others have more fun and success. 

Also, I now have a page dedicated to gardening, that will contain all past and future posts, as well as resources I have found useful.

A Deep Sigh (#2)

After a week off from blogging, I want to return with a shout. But, for now, I will have to settle for a whisper.

A Deep Sigh (#1)

I am going to use this Labor Day weekend as an excuse to take off a week from blogging. It is perfect time to reevaluate, and readjust the direction my thoughts and writing are taking me. I should be back a week from today with something more substantial (i.e., an actual plan and not just dreams). In the meantime, I present you a terse examination of my emotions surrounding this holiday.

(Edward Hopper strikes again. I feel that there is a strong connection between that woman and today's post.)

My Weekly Checkup (#21)

 A Collection of Some Things I Found, Some Thoughts I Had This Week

Just a few things, nothing worthwhile (well, except in my mind). The first, a resource for my fellow educators. The second, a short, thoughtful piece on the costumes worn in the musical, Hamilton, and the complexities of sharing history. The third, the non-fiction book that I am currently reading and loving (I would not, in anyway, recommend to any of my regular blog readers--really, I am sure you'll be bored from reading the title). 

Like with similar posts, you may not find the specific items interesting or entertaining (I definitely enjoy them), but by reading through these descriptions you will learn more about me.

And finding out more about me is the reason why you keep coming back... right?

(Stick it out to the end, and you will be rewarded with a little treat.)

(This is a side of Vincent Van Gogh I never knew existed. I love it! There are more studies he did in this vein. Read this explanation of why he drew this and similar ones.)

Vegetable Gardening and Me (#18)

This season is drawing to a close. There is a lot that needs to be done to prepare for next year; therefore, I don't think I will be doing an early fall planting

As I mentioned in my first post on gardening, I am not an expert gardener, and I have made plenty of mistakes, but my adventures may help others have more fun and success. 

Also, I now have a page dedicated to gardening, that will contain all past and future posts, as well as resources I have found useful.

A Brief Interlude (#10)

I apologize in advance. Trying to figure things out. While it is nothing serious, it can be frustrating, leaving me unproductive. I should really find a way to transform these particular struggles into creative endeavors. In the past, I would just run from them, retreat into countless daydreams. Instead, here I am sharing it. Because, maybe writing it out is a good first step... 

(Yet again I find myself drawn to an Edward Hopper painting. This one is Compartment C Car. I must confess, I wish hats would come back in style for both men and women. I would love to wear something besides a baseball cap. Also, click here to see a dozen other beautiful and fun paintings of people reading. There were quite a few I enjoyed seeing.)

My Weekly Checkup (#20)

A Collection of Some Things I Found, Some Thoughts I Had This Week

Wading through the dog days of summer, before September brings on a whole new set of problems and opportunities to solve them. Or avoid them...

In the meantime, here are two inspiring videos, and two informative ones. Anyone should be able to find some value in watching the first two, even the one directed at artists. The last two are more specific in scope, but nonetheless illuminating for a general audience. I also love following their YouTube channels: their work is entertaining, but also insightful.  

Enjoy!

(One of my favorite scenes from the movie Fiddler on the Roof. Looking through photos from the movie, I began thinking about which of the men in these young women's lives I most like. I am definitely not as handsome and forward as Fyedka, and I am no longer as idealistic as Perchik. So, I guess that leaves... Motel?)

(Click here to see a video clip of the scene pictured below.)

Vegetable Gardening and Me (#17)

My gardening season is winding down. I have a few decisions to make in the upcoming weeks that affect this year and next. In addition, more harvests and lost causes.

As I mentioned in my first post on gardening, I am not an expert gardener, and I have made plenty of mistakes, but my adventures may help others have more fun and success. 

Also, I now have a page dedicated to gardening, that will contain all past and future posts, as well as resources I have found useful.

A Brief Interlude (#9)

I feel a bit frustrated. Old habits die hard, even after better habits have taken root. But, it is in the struggle that we learn the most. Well, that is what I keep telling myself. With that said, I present this Monday's blog post.

(The image and artist below is not the painting I wanted to reference this week--I don't think people are ready to see that one, even though I think it's beautiful. However, this self portrait is incredible in its own right, so I decided to share it. Gustave Courbet painted is the painter. He has two others I found visually intriguing, one of which was banned from public exhibition until 1988--you'll have to scroll down his Wikipedia article in order to find it. The other painting is far less controversial, and more famous.)

      

My Weekly Checkup (#19)

 A Collection of Some Things I Found, Some Thoughts I Had This Week

You may have noticed, I skipped last week's checkup. I mentioned it in this past Monday's post. This week I intend to share three videos about dance. And an interesting but sad take on the history of ballet.

(For the record, I am wary of any article published on the internet, especially one about history that was posted by the History Channel. However, for the moment, I am going to assume that the overall theme is true: 19th century ballerinas were sexually exploited to some extent. At some point, however, I will have to do more research.)

(Although the painting below is not a Degas, I came across this article about him from Vanity Fair which I have found insightful. Also, I covered some of my fascination with Degas' paintings and a sculpture of ballet dancer in a previous Weekly Checkup. This article has helped me to understand these particular pieces better.)

 

Vegetable Gardening and Me (#16)

So many vegetables. So little time to process them. I cannot imagine how much more I would have if I had planned things better. I will find out, though, once I learn my lesson (maybe three years from now?).

As I mentioned in my first post on gardening, I am not an expert gardener, and I have made plenty of mistakes, but my adventures may help others have more fun and success. 

Also, I now have a page dedicated to gardening, that will contain all past and future posts, as well as resources I have found useful.

A Brief Interlude (#8)

Tomorrow is a new day.

One day at a time.

It is what it is.

~ My closing mantra for my evening journal entries

Here are three works by a female painter, Artemisia Gentileschi. The first is her interpretation of a famous story, Judith's Beheading of Holofernes. I like her version a lot: it is powerful, passionate, and piercingly beautiful. The other two paintings below it are self portraits. Although I prefer the first one to the second, I find them both stunning. 

None of these paintings have anything to do with what I wrote today. They were included on a whim. At least, that was my initial thought. Perhaps on further review, I might find a connection...

Vegetable Gardening and Me (#15)

 As I mentioned in my first post on gardening, I want to make this a weekly post. I am not an expert gardener, and I have made plenty of mistakes, but my adventures may help others have more fun and success. 

Also, I now have a page dedicated to gardening, that will contain all past and future posts, as well as resources I have found useful.

Slow this past week, but a busy schedule coming up. Yet, if I would just take a little time to plan, it would not feel so overwhelming.

A Brief Interlude (#7)

"Dude, sucking at something is the first step towards being sort of good at something."

~ Jake the Dog, Adventure Time 

I developed my own “serenity prayer” for my writing:

Grant me the humility to accept constructive criticism;
the self-confidence to ignore any insults;
and the ability to express myself clearly through it all.

My Weekly Checkup (#18)

A Collection of Some Things I Found, Some Thoughts I Had This Week

This week I share two links to sites I have found very useful, especially in the wake of this pandemic. The first one I discovered several years ago while researching alternative medicine. The second one was shared a week ago in a comment on a Facebook post. So, yes, social media has its uses.

(The nurse in this painting caught my eye. So, I delved deeper into its history, and her place in the painting. Here is the Wikipedia article about it. There is an entire section dedicated to the nurse's background. Interesting stuff, including controversy surrounding its initial unveiling--but you'll have to read all the way through to the end to find out. And now you know why I chose this painting!)

Vegetable Gardening and Me (#14)

As I mentioned in my first post on gardening, I want to make this a weekly post. I am not an expert gardener, and I have made plenty of mistakes, but my adventures may help others have more fun and success. 

Also, I now have a page dedicated to gardening, that will contain all past and future posts, as well as resources I have found useful.

Another week, more stuff to harvest, another loss or two to mourn, and some wisdom to be gained...

A Brief Interlude (#6)

There is something satisfying about working with one's hands, to shape raw materials into a form both functional and aesthetic. There is also something worthwhile in watching one's design transform from a mental concept into a physical object. I enjoy working with my hands, and I have plenty of ideas. For me, woodworking was once an inspiring tool that helped me be creative. Life events obscured that fact. However, a return to my parents' house reminded me of the joy of building with wood.

It may be time for me to pick it up again.

My Weekly Checkup (#17)

A Collection of Some Things I Found, Some Thoughts I Had This Week

I am coming up short this week. Sorry. But I figured I should share something. So here are two offerings: a song and a poem, both from the same artist.

Just think of them as yet more windows into my mind.

---

I just adore Bob Dylan. Well, his music, that is. I love lyrical songs, and he has gifted us volumes of verses. This one has always resonated with me, since the first time I heard it. The opening reminds me of the opening to the 

"Shelter from the Storm"

Yes, I know, Jimi Hendrix covered this one, and, for many, it is his version they prefer, or the only one they know. But Bob Dylan wrote it, and his voice and sound, in my mind, mirrors the spirit of "Shelter from the Storm". The way he ends it is genius: he gives us the beginning of a tale full of intrigue and danger. So he lets us use our own imagination to carry the story forward. Well, that's how I have interpreted it. And I have, indeed, developed a story to go with this song. I just need to commit it to writing.

All Along the Watchtower

This last one is a long one. And there is no music. It is basically a very lengthy poem (it took up five pages). Although he is referring to someone famous in the poem (Woody Guthrie), I feel like anyone who has lost someone special (whether through death, an argument, distance, etc.) can relate to Dylan's pain and frustration. 

Listening to this is not for those who are impatient, or are easily distracted. It is seven minutes long. But if you take some time and join Dylan on this ride, and see it through to the end, I doubt you'll be disappointed. His last few verses still give me chills.

Last Thoughts on Woody Guthrie

Vegetable Gardening and Me (#13)

As I mentioned in my first post on gardening, I want to make this a weekly post. I am not an expert gardener, and I have made plenty of mistakes, but my adventures may help others have more fun and success. 

Also, I now have a page dedicated to gardening, that will contain all past and future posts, as well as resources I have found useful.

Another week, more stuff to harvest, a loss to mourn, and an epiphany to behold...